Designer Unknown
by llxxRawr its Beansxxll
Summary: Based on 'Artist Unknown'. I own nothing.


At a small classroom in the Ponyville Learning Annex, Rarity is setting up her desk for a particularly great day for her.

Rarity: Ah, how I have dreamed of this day! Professor of Dressmaking. What a marvelous opportunity for the ponies of Ponyville! Bring me your huddled masses of bored housewives, and I will shape them into my image!

She fantasizes about a real human couple, except the wife has Rarity's head.

Rarity: And I'll go down in history someday. And there will be a tag with my name on it on the most fabulous and expensive clothing line in the world!

Derpy: Dude, you're teaching art at the Rec Center. Calm down.

The cross-eyed Pegasus sweeps up a pile of trash, as she is taking a janitor job today.

Rarity: Uncultured trash…Oh, 9:00 A.M! Time to let the class in! Well, don't want to keep them waiting any longer.

She opens the double doors to an eager looking, cheering crowd outside.

Rarity: Welcome to Dressmaking Class!

The crowd suddenly looks confused at the white unicorn.

Caramel: Oh, isn't this cooking? Sorry.

The crowd moves away to another class, except for one pink Earth pony.

Pinkie: Hi, Rarity! Are you taking this dressmaking class, too?!

Rarity: (afraid) Pinkie Pie…In dressmaking class?

She pushes her aside and yells back to the crowd.

Rarity: Wait! This is cooking! Come back!

They fail to do so, and Rarity accepts her fate for the day.

Rarity: You've got to be kidding.

Pinkie: Hahaha, this is great! You and me in school together! So, where's the teacher?

Rarity: You're looking at her.

Pinkie: You are the teacher…To my pupil? This isn't dressmaking class, it's Heaven!

Rarity: Yes. Grab a little piece of Heaven and let's get on with it.

Pinkie situates herself at a desk.

Pinkie: I'm ready, Ms. Rarity!

Rarity: So, you want to be a dressmaker, eh Pinkie Pie?

Pinkie: Yes, please.

Rarity: Well, dressmaking is not all fun and games. It's a lot of hard work. Okay, first, repeat after me; I have no talent.

Pinkie: I have no talent.

Rarity: Ms. Rarity has all the talent.

Pinkie: Ms. Rarity has all the talent.

Rarity: If I'm lucky, some of Ms. Rarity's talent will rub off on me.

Pinkie: If I'm lucky, some of Ms. Talent will rub her hooves on my art.

The camera cuts between Pinkie grinning and Rarity giving a WTF face.

Rarity: Whatever. Okay, since you're telling me you have no prior training, we'll have to start from square one. Or should I say, circle one?

She draws a crooked circle on the chalkboard and laughs.

Rarity: Am I going too fast for you, Pinkie Pie?

Pinkie works on a piece of paper and holds it up for her teacher to see.

Pinkie: How's this, Rarity?

Rarity: What the…?! How the…?! A perfect circle?! Do it again! Show your process.

Pinkie: Well, first, I draw this head.

She draws a perfect, realistic human head on her paper.

Pinkie: Then, I erase some of the more detailed features.

She erases all the details until she comes out with a perfect circle.

Pinkie: And one, two, three...A circle, uh, thingy.

Rarity: Give me that! Forget the circles!

She crumples up the paper into a ball.

Pinkie: Ooh, nice one, Rarity! Let me try!

She forms the paper into a paper statue of her and Rarity.

Pinkie: Looky, Rarity! It's you and me playing leapfrog! That's you on the bottom.

Rarity: Give me that! There is nothing artistic about leapfrog!

She rips the paper into little pieces, but Pinkie begins putting them back together.

Rarity: What are you doing now?

Pinkie: I call it Rippy Bits! You take a bunch of old, ripped-up paper and make a new picture out of it!

She recreates her statue with a minor difference.

Pinkie: See? You're on top…this…time…

She blows the paper away back to its shredded form when she sees Rarity not amused.

Rarity: Do you want to learn dressmaking or not?

Pinkie: I'm sorry, Rarity. I'll listen.

Rarity: Alright, Pinkie Pie, pay close attention.

She leads her over to a table with a long piece of fabric and a pair of scissors.

Rarity: Look at your fabric. Visualize the dress within and…

She snips out a simple dress design from the fabric. Meanwhile, Pinkie Pie cuts out a dress fit for the Queen of England with just one simple piece of red fabric.

Pinkie: How's this, Rarity?

Rarity: (crying) It's beautiful…Uh, I mean, this isn't a dress. A good dress takes…more time. You can't just cut Willie-Nillie. You've got to go by the book. Follow the rules.

A hurt Pinkie Pie wipes away a tear.

Rarity: Otherwise, you'll never get past Amateur Hour here. Besides, you've got the collar wrong.

She turns the collar of Pinkie's dress all the way up.

Rarity: There. Now, it's art.

Pinkie: Oh. It's so obvious! I never would've thought of that! I'm sorry, Rarity. I came here to learn, and I arrogantly shoved your lessons. I'll never be a great dressmaker like you. I don't deserve your tutoring. I don't deserve your generosity. I don't even deserve to use your door.

The door is opened, hitting Pinkie Pie out the window and into the dumpster. A fancy Earth pony stands in the doorway.

Hoity Toity: Hello there!

Pinkie: But I did deserve that.

The dumpster closes on her.

Pinkie: I deserved that, too.

The garbage ponies come and empty out the dumpster into their carriage, then they haul the carriage away.

Pinkie: And I deserve this!

Hoity Toity: Good day, Madame.

Rarity: (concerned for Pinkie) Sorry, class dismissed. You're too late.

Hoity Toity: Oh, I beg your pardon, but I've forgotten my manners. My name is Hoity Toity. I believe we've met before.

Rarity: Oh. Oh, but of course! You're the world-famous fashion critique!

Hoity Toity: The one and only.

Rarity: Well…what are you doing here?

Hoity Toity: I'm on a shopping spree. Buying dresses for my new Dress Museum in Canterlot!

Rarity: (delighted) Your search is over! I am Ponyville's greatest dressmaker.

She pulls out a dress of hers from nowhere.

Rarity: I call this one "Rarity en repose".

Hoity Toity: I, uh, don't think that will fit in with the other dresses in my collection.

Rarity: Why not?

Hoity Toity: Because it's a dress collection! Hahahahahaha!

She gets another exceptional dress of hers.

Rarity: How about this one? I call it "Bold and Brash".

Hoity Toity: More like "Belongs in the Trash"! Hahahaha!

Derpy: Sorry. I must have missed that one.

She grabs Rarity's hard work and throws it in the trash.

Hoity Toity: Maybe I should be…Hmm? What is that?

He directs his gaze toward Pinkie's dress.

Rarity: Wait, wait. That's not, uh, uh…

Hoity Toity: Angelic form! Amazing detail! Perfect stitching! This is the work of a true genius! Hello? What's this? This is the only flaw.

He smoothes out the collar and perfects Rarity's change.

Hoity Toity: Ah, that's more like it. I simply must find the designer responsible! She shall have fame.

Rarity: Fame?

She imagines herself surrounded by paparazzi.

Hoity Toity: Fortune!

Rarity: Fortune?

She daydreams about bathing in money.

Hoity Toity: Anything her heart desires!

Rarity: Anything?

She pictures herself with an even more beautiful mane than what she already has.

Rarity: It's me! It's me! I'm responsible!

Hoity Toity: I can see it now; Your name on the world's most prestigious clothing line! I'm going to make you immortal! Now, uh, help me get this in the carriage.

They carry the dress horizontally through the door, but a loose nail from the doorframe catches it and rips the dress in half.

Rarity: My fame! My fortune! My mane!

Hoity Toity: Well, that's a bit of bad luck right there. But this shouldn't be a problem for a designer of your magnitude. You can whip up another one.

Rarity: Yes, no problem. You know, between you and me, this isn't my best work. Why don't you come back tomorrow, and I'll have something that will really knock your horseshoes off!

Hoity Toity: Between you and me, I'm not wearing horseshoes. Hahahaha!

Rarity: Yes, no horseshoes. Okay, see you tomorrow…Bye. I've got to find Pinkie Pie!

The fashionista unicorn treks through the Ponyville Dump in search of her pink friend.

Rarity: Pinkie Pie?! Pinkie Pie?!

Behind a huge mount of dirt, she spots a flat-maned, sulking Earth pony with a cereal box covering her torso.

Rarity: Pinkie Pie!

Pinkie: Go away, Rarity. I don't deserve your generosity.

Rarity: Hey, cheer up. I have decided to give you another chance. Why, with a great teacher like me, anything is possible!

Pinkie: Don't look at me, Rarity. Don't look at my shame. These hooves weren't meant to create…They only destroy! I can't look at them!

Her forelegs somehow jump off of her body and hop away past Rarity.

Rarity: Oh, come on, Pinkie Pie. You've got yourself four pink dandies there. With my help, we'll turn them into tools of beauty.

She helps put her hooves back on.

Pinkie: Really?

Rarity: Really!

Pinkie: Really?

Rarity: Really!

Pinkie: Really?

Rarity: Really.

Pinkie: Wow…Really-

Rarity: Let's go.

On their way back to the Rec Center, Pinkie notices a forgotten dress in the trash.

Pinkie: Rarity, look! It's old "Bold and Brash"!

Rarity: Give me that.

She rescues her work of art and leads Pinkie back to the classroom.

Rarity: Okay, Pinkie Pie. Just do what you did before.

Pinkie: I…can't!

Rarity: Ah, ah. Wait, wait. Let me help. Let's start with the circle again.

She takes a pencil in her mouth and draws a crooked circle.

Pinkie: I did it, Rarity!

Rarity: Huh? But, but what about the head…and the erasing and the, the…

Pinkie: I don't know, Rarity. That stuff's not in the book.

Rarity: Uh…

She takes a piece of paper and crumples it up, then places it on Pinkie's dress.

Rarity: How about this, hmm? Remember?

Pinkie: That's not in the book, either.

Rarity: Forget about the book!

She takes Pinkie's book and rips it into little pieces.

Rarity: Ha! Look at all this mess, Pinkie Pie! What do all these little pieces of paper make you want to do?

Pinkie: Wait, I know this! Oh, wait, I think I got it!

She works hard to arrange the pieces and put the book back together.

Pinkie: Ta-da!

Rarity is so stressed that her face melts off.

Rarity: Okay, Pinkie Pie. Let's just move on to the fabric.

Pinkie: First, a dressmaker must concentrate and visualize her concept.

Rarity: Now, you've got it!

Pinkie: I've gotta embrace the fabric!

She embraces the fabric in a big hug.

Rarity: Right!

Pinkie: I've gotta sniff the fabric!

She takes in the scent of the fabric with deep sniffs.

Rarity: Well, um, alright.

Pinkie: I've gotta lick the fabric!

She tastes the fabric with her long tongue.

Rarity: Uh…

Pinkie: I've gotta wash the fabric! I've gotta date the fabric! I've gotta be the fabric! I've got it! I have to see the dress within!

Rarity: Here you go, Pinkie!

She hands her a pair of scissors.

Pinkie: With this tool, I shall give work to art!

Rarity: (excited) Oh, boy!

She cuts the fabric and ends up with a very simple, plain dress. Rarity continues smiling in a sadistic kind of way.

Pinkie: Oh, one more thing.

She raises the collar up all the way.

Pinkie: There! Now, it's a dress!

Rarity grins widely, but inside, she is fuming up like a kettle on a hot stove.

Pinkie: Well, what do you think, Rarity? Just take it all in for a moment. Let it soak in.

Rarity: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

The designer unicorn goes ballistic and completely destroys the classroom, knocking over desks and tables, kicking in parts of the wall, and eating large chunks of fabric.

Pinkie: It looks like the excitement of my artistic triumph is too much for Rarity. Oh, well. Back to the dump.

She puts the cereal box back on her and gallops down the road while singing.

Pinkie: _To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump. To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump._

Rarity just begins to cool off when Hoity Toity walks in.

Hoity Toity: I'm here for the…What the…? Who is responsible for this?!

Rarity: As of now, it's her responsibility!

She takes off her red beret and plops it on Derpy's head.

Rarity: Good day to you, sir!

She walks out of the building not even knowing that she has created the perfect dress in all her destruction.

Hoity Toity: (to Derpy) You, Madame, are the greatest designer who ever lived!


End file.
